After dating for sometime or not,one thing leads to the otherthey end up making a baby..She then gets pregnant..  Meanwhile as her belly begins to grow…He slowly disappears…

Nine months later…It’s a boy!! or Girl!!

Where is the Baby Daddy? Lets investigate further..

there he is.. and is that a new chick on  his arm.. Yup, you guessed it…Smh..

So now we define baby mama and baby daddy.. He is too  busy with life to see his child. Momma’s Baby, Daddy’s Maybe…

So they fight…and fight some more..

Then she gets fed up and Hits his ass withAll types of papers..

Meanwhile she has to do what she has to do..

Ok now sometime that samedodo bird tries to come back into his baby mamas life…

But sometimes its too lateshe got pregnant by somebody else…

A real man..…

I could go on and on… But Ima make this to be continued..

Some guys show out but their pockets cant even take you to McDonald’s.. Yeah McDonald’s, but why would I want McDonald’s when I can have Red Lobster for lunch.. Men please, step your game up.. Ladies, lets discuss the basics of Baller on the Low vs. Broke in yo face.

Then you end up looking like she does. What did her no good man tell her? Umm, you guessed it “Baby I dont have any money”.. Her face is beginning to say ” You aint got no money?…”

So where has all his money gone.. Does he go to work everyday? Ummm or is he spending his money somewhere else… LOL..It gets better..

Alot of guys send tons on their apperance.. That is ok if you look like thisNot too flashy, but still classy.. A man with style is sexy..

But when he looks like thislol..watch out..Too flashy is a turn off.. This man is what you call broke in my face..

See Ladies, we have to understand that if a man looks good like thisin maybe his work clothes, hes even better looking in a niceummm.. A man in a suit..

Ok Im getting off track. My main point here is to remember, everything that shinesaint always gold..

And every brand name wearing fast/nice car driving: Yea its true they be the broke ones.. I am probably 3% wrong on this.. Im just saying ladiesyou will never see a billiionaire walking down the street being flashy..

Let me know if you see any men walking around withon their shirts.. Never

Ballers on the low are low key..

 Chillin always..

Back to Earth:Still stuck on Mars with DoeDoe.. Look at there faces.

So ladies before you look like this

Get things rolling by being on top of things..

Make her your role model.. Believe that anything is possible

these questions are perfect for

NO! We don’t give answers to these. duuuuh!

All I do is follow you around, picking up after you like some maid.

Am I talking to a brick wall?

Are you deaf or something?

Are you lying to me?

As long as you live under my roof, you’ll do as I say.

Beds are NOT made for jumping on.

Call me when you get there, just so I know you’re okay.

Close the door! You don’t live in a barn.

Did you brush your teeth?

Did you comb your hair?

Do as I say, not as I do.

Do you think I’m made of money?

Do you think your socks are going to pick themselves up?

Don’t break your arm patting yourself on the back.

Don’t eat that, you’ll get worms!

Don’t go out with a wet head, you’ll catch cold.

Don’t make me get up!

Don’t pick that scab, it’ll get infected.

Don’t pick your nose in public.

Don’t run in the house.

Don’t sit too close to the television, it’ll ruin your eyes.

Don’t talk with your mouth full!

Don’t walk away when I’m talking to you!

Eat your vegetables, they’re good for you.

Enough is enough!

Go play outside! It’s a beautiful day!

Going to a party? Leave a phone number in case I need to call.

Going to a party? Who’s going to be there?

Going to a party? Will the parents be home?

How do you know you don’t like it if you haven’t tasted it?

I brought you into this world, and I can take you right back out!

I can’t believe you can sleep in this filth!

I didn’t ask who put it there, I said “Pick it up!”

I don’t care what “everyone” is doing. I care what YOU are doing!

I don’t have to explain myself. I said no.

I hope someday you have children just like you.

I just want what’s best for you.

I will always love you – no matter what.

If God had wanted you to have holes in your ears (eyebrows, tongue, etc.) He would have put them there!

If it were a snake, it would have bitten you.

If wishes were horses…

If you could stay out last night, you can get up this morning.

If you don’t do it NOW, then when are you going to do it?

If you stick your tongue out again it will fall off.

If you’re too sick to go to school, you’re too sick to play outside.

I’m doing this for your own good.

I’m going to skin you alive!

I’m not going to ask you again.

I’m not your cleaning lady!

I’m not your waitress!

Isn’t it past your bedtime?

It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I don’t trust everyone else.

Life isn’t fair.

Look at me when I’m talking to you.

Money does NOT grow on trees.

No child of MINE would do something like that.

Nobody asked you.

Over my dead body!

Pick that up before somebody trips on it and breaks their neck!

Pick up your feet.

Put that down! You don’t know where it’s been!

Say that again and I’ll wash your mouth out with soap.

Shut the door! I’m not heating (air conditioning) the entire neighborhood!

Shut your mouth and eat.

So it’s raining? You’re not sugar — you won’t melt.

So what if Bob’s mom let him do it? If Bob’s mom let him jump off the Empire State Building, would you want me to let you do it too?

Someone is going to end up crying.

There’s enough dirt in those ears to grow potatoes!

This hurts me more than it hurts you.

Turn that racket (music) down!

Watch your mouth!
Well, I haven’t figured out how to cook “cold” yet.

Well, people in Hell want ice water too!

What did I say the FIRST time?

What if everyone jumped off a cliff? Would you do it, too?

What part of NO don’t you understand?

When I was a little girl…

When I was young we had respect for our elders, now look at the world!

When I was your age, I had to walk ten miles through the snow, uphill, by myself, to go to school.

When will you be back?

When you have your own house then you can make the rules!

Where do YOU think you’re going?

Who died and left you boss?

Who do you think you’re talking to?

Who taught you THAT? You didn’t learn that in this house!

Wipe your feet!

You can’t find it? Well, I can’t find it for you – I didn’t wear it!

You can’t find it? Well, I can’t find it for you – I’m not the maid!

You can’t find it? Well, if you’d put things where they belonged, you wouldn’t have this problem.

You can’t find it? Well, where did you leave it last?

You can’t start the day on an empty stomach.

You don’t always get what you want. It’s a hard lesson, but you might as well learn it now.

You have an answer for everything, don’t you?

You kids are trying to drive me crazy!

You must think rules are made to be broken.

You won’t be happy until you break that, will you?

You’ll understand when you’re older. A little soap & water never killed anybody.

Always wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident.

Answer me when I ask you a question!

Are you going out dressed like that?

Are your hands broken? Pick it up yourself! I’m not your maid!

Be good.

Bored! How can you be bored? I was never bored at your age.

Clean up after yourself!

Cupcakes are NOT a breakfast food!

Did you clean your room?

Did you flush?

Do you live to annoy me?

Do you think this is a hotel? You can’t just come here only to sleep.

Don’t ask me WHY. The answer is NO.

Don’t cross your eyes or they’ll freeze that way.

Don’t EVER let me catch you doing that again!

Don’t make me come in there!

Don’t put that in your mouth, you don’t know where it’s been.

Don’t run with a lollipop in your mouth.

Don’t stay up too late!

Don’t use that tone with me!

Don’t you have anything better to do?

Go ask your father.

Go to your room and think about what you did!

How can you have nothing to wear? Your closet is FULL of clothes!

How many times do I have to tell you?

I can always tell when you’re lying.

I can’t believe you did that!

I don’t buy snacks to feed the neighborhood!

I don’t care who started it, I said stop!

I don’t care who started it, YOU stop it!

I don’t know is NOT an answer.

I hope you don’t kiss me with that mouth!

I said CLOSE the door, I did not say SLAM it.

I would have never talked to MY mother like that!

If I catch you doing that one more time, I’ll…

If I want your opinion I’ll ask for it!

If I’ve told you once … I’ve told you a thousand times.

If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

If you don’t clean your plate, you won’t get any dessert.

If you don’t stop crying, I am going to give you something to cry about!

If you’re too full to finish your dinner, you’re too full for dessert.

I’ll treat you like an adult when you start acting like one.

I’m going to give you until the count of three…

I’m not always going to be around to do these things for you.

I’m not running a taxi service.

I’m not your maid!

Is your homework finished?

It’s no use crying over spilt milk.

I’ve had it up to here with you.

Leave your sister (brother) alone!

Little pitchers have big ears.

Look at this room! It looks like a pigsty!

Never try on anyone else’s glasses or you’ll go blind.

No, I don’t know where your socks are, its not my day to watch them!

Now, come back downstairs and go back up WITHOUT stomping your feet!

Now, say you’re sorry…and MEAN it!

Running away? Don’t let the door hit you in the rear.

Running away? I’ll help you pack.

Running away? Is that a threat or a promise?

Some day you will thank me for this. SMACK!!!

Someday your face will freeze like that

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Think of those poor starving children in India… (or China, or Africa.)

Turn off that light. Do you think we own the electric company?

Watch your language!

Well, people in Hades want ice water, but do you see me with a PITCHER?

Were you born in a barn? Close the door — and DON’T slam it!

What do you think, money grows on trees?

What kind of a grade is that? You could do much better!

When did your last slave die?

When I was your age…

When you have kids of your own you’ll understand.

Where are you going?

Who are you going with? Do I know them?

Who do you think you are?

Who said life was going to be easy?

Why? Because I SAID so, that’s why!

You are getting on my last nerve.
You can go out to play…after you brush your teeth and comb your hair.

You can go out to play…after you pick up your room.

You can go out to play…after you’ve done your homework.

You can’t judge a book by its cover.

You could grow potatoes in those ears!

You could have called.

You had better wipe that smile off your face before I do it for you.

You just ate an hour ago!

You made your bed, now lie in it.

You should have that phone surgically implanted in your ear.

You WILL eat it, and you WILL like it!

You’d forget your head if it wasn’t attached to your shoulders!

You will ALWAYS be my baby.

You’re going to put your eye out with that thing!

Your father is going to hear about this when HE gets home!

You’re the oldest. You should know better.
]]> http://msmoonchild.wordpress.com/2010/08/13/famous-mom-sayings/feed/ 0 msmoonchild http://msmoonchild.wordpress.com/2010/08/13/things-that-make-you-go-ummm/ http://msmoonchild.wordpress.com/2010/08/13/things-that-make-you-go-ummm/#comments Fri, 13 Aug 2010 22:06:02 +0000 msmoonchild http://msmoonchild.wordpress.com/?p=75 ]]> A stitch in time saves nine what?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in? –Steven Wright

Are female moths called myths?

Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?

Are there a lot of virgins in the Virgin Islands?

Are there any unguided missiles?

Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say “Do Not Pass”?

Are you telling the truth if you lie in bed?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?

Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial sweetener?

Could crop-circles be the work of a cereal killer?

Crime doesn’t pay… does that mean my job is a crime?

Day light savings time – why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

Do blind dogs have seeing-eye humans?

Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?

Do boxer shorts box?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

Do clowns wear really big socks?

Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?

Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?

Do fish get thirsty?

Do hummingbirds hum because they don’t know the words?

Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?

Do mass murderers kill only in church?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world ‘up over’?

Do pilots take crash-courses?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4′s”?

Do Scottish Terriers get Scotch Tape worms?

Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?

Do steam rollers really roll steam?

Do television evangelists do more than lay people? –Stanley Ralph Moss

Do vampires get AIDS?

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Do witches run spell checkers?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? –Steven Wright

Does a man-eating shark eat women, too?

Does an analyst have to be anal? –Adam Rifkin

Does killing time damage eternity?

Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip?

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Ever notice how irons have a setting for “permanent” press? I don’t get it. –Steven Wright

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?

Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem?

Have you ever wondered?

How can someone “draw a blank”?

How can there be self-help “groups”?

How can you tell when it is time to tune your bagpipes?

How come chocolate milk doesn’t come from brown cows?

How come I can pick my ears but not my nose?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

How dead is the Dead Sea?

How did a fool and his money get together?

How did the man who invented cottage cheese know he was done?

How do I set my laser printer on stun?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

How do they get the “Keep off the Grass” sign on the grass?

How do you get off a nonstop flight?

How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you’ve tried some of the others?

How do you know when you’ve run out of invisible ink?

How do you throw away a garbage can?

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

How does a person with a lisp pronounce that word?

How does a thermos know whether a drink should be hot or cold?

How does it work out that these people always die in alphabetical order?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

How is it possible to have a “civil” war?

How is it possible to run out of space?

How long is the long arm of the law?

How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?

How many weeks are there in a light year?

How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?

How much milk is there in the Milky Way?

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you was? –Satchel Paige

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing “Happy Birthday?”

If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?

If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do?

If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? –Tom Robbins

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

If a mime commits suicide, does he use a silencer? –Steven Wright

If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn’t it reverse up and down?

If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?

If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it a ham-hock?

If a pizza place sells pizza by the slice, is there a guy in the back tossing a triangle in the air? –Steven Wright

If a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, is a proverb a word used in place of a verb?

If a tree falls in the forest, does the earth scream out in pain?

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure? –Harry Shearer

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

If all the world is a stage, where are the audience sitting?

If an orange is orange, why isn’t a lime called a green, and a lemon called a yellow?

If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

If Barbie’s so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?

If bees live in an apiary, do apes live in a beeiary?

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs? –Steven Wright

If cats and dog didn’t have fur would we still pet them?

If corn can’t hear, why does it have an ear?

If corn oil is made from corn, what is baby oil made from?

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

If everything is part of a whole, what is the whole part of? –Ashleigh Brilliant

If flowers don’t talk back to you, are they mums?

If Fred Flintstone knew that the large order of ribs would tip his car over, why did he order them at the end of every show? –Steven Wright

If God can do anything, can he make a rock so big he can’t lift it? –George Carlin

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If humans get a charley horse, what do horses get?

If humans have nightmares, what do horses have?

If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet? –Steven Wright

If I save time, when do I get it back?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes? –Dennis Miller

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If our knees were on the backs of our legs, what would chairs look like?

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?

If rabbits’ feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?

If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?

If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look like the way they do?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

If the product says “Do not use if seal is broken”, how are you supposed to open it and use it?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? –Art Hoppe

If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don’t fill in?

If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?

If you can’t drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

If you didn’t get caught, did you really do it?

If you get into a taxi cab, and ask the driver to drive backwards to your destination, will the cab driver owe you money?

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If you’re born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

If your car says Dodge on the front of it, do you really need a horn?

If you’re a kleptomaniac, is there something you can take for it?

If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

In court, why do they ask if you swear to tell the truth? If you’re planning on lying, do they really think you’ll tell them so?

Instead of wasting time hunting and cooking, why don’t hunters just use flame-throwers?

Is “tired old cliché” one?

Is a castrated pig disgruntled?

Is a halfback more valuable than a quarterback?

Is a sleeping bull a bull-dozer?

Is a small pig called a hamlet?

Is an oxymoron a really dumb bovine?

Is drilling for oil boring?

Is duck tape made out of ducks?

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

Is that a flying saucer or a pie in the sky?

Is the nose the scenter of the face?

Is this bullshit or fertilizer?

Now that Microsoft is so big, should it be called Macrosoft? Sexual harassment at work-is it a problem for the self-employed? –Victoria Wood

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

Since there is a speed of light and a speed of sound, is there a speed of smell?

The Scarecrow got a brain, Tin Man got a heart, Lion got courage, Dorothy got home, what did Toto get?

Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower?

What are imitation rhinestones?

What do batteries run on?

What do chickens think we taste like?

What do penguins wear for play clothes?

What do people in China call their good plates?

What do sheep count when they can’t get to sleep?

What do they call a French kiss in France?

What do they call coffee breaks at the Lipton Tea Company?

What do you call a bedroom with no bed in it?

What do you call a male ladybug?

What do you call male ballerinas?

What do you say if you’re talking to God, and he sneezes?

What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

What hair color do they put on the driver’s license of a bald man?

What happened to the first 6 UP’s?

What happens if you get scared half to death, …twice? –Steven Wright

What happens if you go on a survival course – and you don’t pass?

What happens if you take No-Doze and wash it down with Nyquil?

What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?

What happens when none of your bees wax?

What happens when you swallow your pride?

What if hell really did freeze over? What would we be using instead?

What if someone died in the living room?

What if the hokey pokey really is what it’s all about?

What if you’re in hell, and you’re mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?

What is “Soft Liquor”?

What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

What is a refried bean? Why do they have to fry it twice?

What is shaved ice? Did it have hair on it before it was shaved?

What is the diameter of a square?

What is the speed of dark?

What kind of fruit is in Juicy Fruit gum?

What makes cheese so confidential that we actually need cheese shredders?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

What’s the sound a name makes when it’s dropped?

What’s the synonym for thesaurus?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?

When day breaks who fixes it?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

When night falls who picks it up?

When people lose weight, where does it go?

When something fades in the sunlight, where did the colors go?

When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?

When we say our mind wanders – where does it go?

When you put a sheet over your head for Halloween, are you a ghost or a mattress?

Where are the germs that cause ‘good’ breath?

Where are we going? And what’s with this hand basket?

Where did Webster look up the definitions when he wrote the dictionary?

Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons?

Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?

Where does the white go when the snow melts?

Where does your lap go when you stand up?

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?

Where is Old Zealand?

Which is the other side of the street?

Who killed the Dead Sea?

Who opened that first ‘oyster’ and said “My, my, my. Now doesn’t ‘this’ look yummy!”

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?”

Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken’s butt and think, “I’ll bet that would be good to eat?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘lisp’ to have an ‘s’ in it?

Why are all blackboards called that when some of them are green?

Why are America’s parks administered by the Department of the Interior?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor, but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “asteroids”?

Why are highways build so close to the ground?

Why are raisins called raisins if they are only dried grapes? Why not just call them dried grapes?

Why are some gay people so unhappy?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are they called “stands” when they’re made for sitting?

Why are violets blue and not violet?

Why are you expected to slow down in a speed zone?

Why aren’t there ever any guilty bystanders?

Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free?

Why can’t you make another word using all the letters in “anagram”?

Why can’t we tickle ourselves?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why did the pot call the kettle black?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do ballet dancers dance on their toes? Why doesn’t the company just hire taller dancers? –Fred Allen

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Why do flamingos stand on only one leg?

Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

Why do hot dogs come ten to a package and hot dog buns only eight?

Why do mattresses have springs, if they aren’t made for jumping on?

Why do people always remember where they were when someone famous was killed? Do they feel perhaps they’ll need an alibi?

Why do people go to the unemployment office to find a job?

Why do people park in driveways and drive on parkways? –Larry Anderson

Why do people tell you when they are speechless?

Why do pigs have curly tails?

Why do the signs that say “Slow Children” have a picture of a running child?

Why do they call it ‘chili’ if it’s hot?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

Why do they call it ‘getting your dog fixed’ if afterwards it doesn’t work anymore?

Why do they call it life insurance?

Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly?

Why do they call the piece of wood a two-by-four if it’s only 1 3/4″ x 3 1/2″?

Why do they call Wednesday hump day, when most people get laid on the weekends?

Why do they give you a tape with a VCR to tell you how to use it?

Why do they make cars go so fast its illegal?

Why do they make scented toilet paper?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why do tourists go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in telescopes so they can see things on the ground in close-up?

Why do we call something sent by car a shipment and something sent by ship a cargo?

Why do we call them restrooms when no one goes there to rest?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why do we have hot water heaters when hot water doesn’t need to be heated?

Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing is wrong?

Why do we need training bras? What can we teach them?

Why do we put shirts in a suitcase, and put suits in a garment bag?

Why do we say “a pair of pants” when there is only one article of clothing involved?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game,” when we are already there?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?

Why do wise guy and wise man mean entirely different things?

Why do you feet smell and your nose runs?

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?

Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic?

Why does a dishtowel get wet when it dries?

Why does a grapefruit look nothing like a grape?

Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn’t usually wear any pants?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

Why does it take 15 minutes to cook minute rice?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?

Why don’t they call mustaches “mouthbrows?”

Why don’t they just make food stamps edible?

Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

Why get even, when you can get odd?

Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? –Amboy Dukes

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why is a women’s prison called a penal colony?

Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?

Why is clear considered a color?

Why is it called a “building” when it is already built?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman’s chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?

Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Why is it that famous people are always born on holidays?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

Why is it that only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles?

Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

Why is it that to stop Windows 95, you have to click on “Start”?

Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is it you must wait until night to call it a day?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemonsWhy is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand? –Steven Wright

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

Why is your index finger the same size as your nostrils?

Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet? –Lily Tomlin

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why was Evelyn Wood in such a hurry?

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
]]> http://msmoonchild.wordpress.com/2010/08/13/things-that-make-you-go-ummm/feed/ 0 msmoonchild http://msmoonchild.wordpress.com/2010/08/13/personality-traits-abusive-relationships/ http://msmoonchild.wordpress.com/2010/08/13/personality-traits-abusive-relationships/#comments Fri, 13 Aug 2010 21:55:17 +0000 msmoonchild http://msmoonchild.wordpress.com/?p=71 ]]> Certain personality traits predispose people to abusive relationships. The following lists are typical characteristics of both parties in abusive relationships.

Partners of Abusers:

Personality traits which are common in the partners of abusers:

1. Intense need for love and affection. (See Love Addiction)
2. Low self esteem. (Belief that they can’t have / don’t deserve better treatment.)
3. Drug or Alcohol Dependence.
4. A background involving physical, emotional or sexual abuse.
5. ACOA issues (Adult Children of alcoholics / addicts.)
6. Codependent personality disorder and / or Love addiction.
7. Enforced isolation creating resentment.
8. Strong need for a relationship to validate them.
9. Gain a sense of worth by care taking the abuser.
10. Inability to set and enforce interpersonal boundaries.
11. Difficulty expressing anger, tendency to internalize it, act it out in other ways.
12. Loyalty to the abuser takes precedence over emotional or physical safety.
13. Belief that “it will change if I just try harder.”
14. Repeated attempts to leave the relationship.
15. Inability to follow through with leaving – return to the abuser again and again. 
16. Clinical depression, self – medication.
17. Suicidal ideation or attempts.

The Abusive Personality:

Traits which are common in the abusive personality are:

1. Uncontrolled temper.
2. Extreme Jealousy. (See Love Addiction.)
3. Intense fear of abandonment. 
4. A background involving physical, emotional or sexual abuse, abandonment, ACOA issues.
5. Unrealistic expectations of a relationship. (To “fix” them or solve their problems.)
6. Isolation and antisocial temperament. 
7. Recklessness. (dangerous sexual behavior, reckless driving, drug use etc.)
8. Inability to accept responsibility for their behavior and actions, even in the face of dire consequences.
9. Cruelty to children / animals.
10. Threats of violence.
11. Low self-esteem, shame. 
12. Codependent personality disorder and / or Love addiction.
13. Inability to respect interpersonal boundaries, a compulsion to violate boundaries.
14. Drug or Alcohol Dependence, self medication.
15. Emotional volitility – fear of being “out  of control”.
16. Need for power and control to compensate for the above.
17. Bipolar disorder and / or Borderline Personality Disorder.
18. Abuse generally escalates when the partner leaves.

It should be noted that abusers are often survivors of abuse themselves. 

Many of the characteristics above are documented trauma based adaptations to childhood emotional, physical and sexual abuse.

Abusiveness is a family dysfunction that repeats through generations. Just as addictions pass down through generations, abusers often leave their families for a family of choice – then repeat the abusive cycle from the other side.  The abused becomes the abuser and so continues the cycle.  In this sense abusers and addicts are not to blame for their behavior, but they are responsible for it.  Accountability is a concept addicts, codependents and abusers have trouble grasping until they are well into recovery. 

It can change – BREAK THE CYCLE NOW!

* Abusive relationships are marked by attempts by the abuser to isolate their partner from social interaction. This is due to jealousy and to an unconscious awareness that outsiders will see the relationship dynamics and attempt to intervene. (Any signs of independence in their partner triggers deep seated abandonment fears and jealousy.) The enforced isolation of abusive relationships also creates an ideal climate for the progression of addictions in one or both partners. (Isolation is a common characteristic of addict / alcoholics.)

Sometimes abusive relationships are easy to identify; other times the abuse may take subtle forms. The examples shown here can help you identify traits of abusive and healthy relationships. In general, abusive relationships have a serious power imbalance, with the abuser controlling or attempting to control most aspects of life. Healthy relationships share responsibility and decision-making tasks and reflect respect for all the people in the relationship, including children.

Healthy Relationships:

Non-Threatening Behavior

• Talking and acting so that your partner feels safe and comfortable doing and saying things.

Respect

• Listening to your partner non-judgmentally.

• Being emotionally affirming and understanding.

• Valuing opinions.

Trust and Support

• Supporting your partner’s goals in life.

• Respecting your partner’s right to his or her own feelings, friends, activities and opinions.

Honesty and Accountability

• Accepting responsibility for self.

• Acknowledging past use of violence and / or emotionally abusive behavior, changing the behavior.

• Acknowledging infidelity, changing the behavior.

• Admitting being wrong when it is appropriate.

• Communicating openly and truthfully, acknowledging past abuse, seeking help for abusive relationship patterns.

Responsible Parenting

• Sharing parental responsibilities.

• Being a positive, non-violent role model for children.

Shared Responsibility

• Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work.

• Making family decisions together.

Abusive Relationships:

Using Intimidation

• Making your partner afraid by using looks, actions, gestures.

• Smashing or destroying things.

• Destroying or confiscating your partner’s property.

• Abusing pets as a display of power and control.

• Silent or overt raging.

• Displaying weapons or threatening their use.

• Making physical threats.

Using Emotional Abuse

• Putting your partner down.

• Making your partner feel bad about himself or herself.

• Calling your partner names.

• Playing mind games.

• Interrogating your partner.

• Harassing or intimidating your partner.

• “Checking up on” your partner’s activities or whereabouts.

• Humiliating your partner, weather through direct attacks or “jokes”.

• Making your partner feel guilty.

• Shaming your partner.

Using Isolation

• Controlling what your partner does, who he or she sees and talks to, what he or she reads, where he or she goes.

• Limiting your partner’s outside involvement.

• Demanding your partner remain home when you are not with them.

• Cutting your partner off from prior friends, activities, and social interaction.

• Using jealousy to justify your actions.

(Jealousy is the primary symptom of abusive relationships; it is also a core component of  Love Addiction.)

Minimizing, Denying and Blame Shifting

• Making light of the abuse and not taking your partner’s concerns about it seriously.

• Saying the abuse did not happen, or wasn’t that bad.

• Shifting responsibility for your abusive behavior to your partner. (i.e: I did it because you ______.)

• Saying your partner caused it.

Using Children

• Making your partner feel guilty about the children.

• Using the children to relay messages.

• Using visitation to harass your partner.

• Threatening to take the children away.

Using Male Privilege

• Treating your partner like a servant.

• Making all the big decisions.

• Acting like the “master of the castle.”

• Being the one to define men’s and women’s or the relationship’s roles.

Using Economic Abuse

• Preventing your partner from getting or keeping a job.

• Making your partner ask for money.

• Giving your partner an allowance.

• Taking your partner’s money.

• Not letting your partner know about or have access to family income.

Is jealous or possessive toward you. (Jealousy is the primary symptom of abusive relationships; it is also a core component of Sexual Addictions and Love Addiction.)

Tries to control you by being very bossy or demanding.

Tries to isolate you by demanding you cut off social contacts and friendships.

Is violent and / or loses his or her temper quickly.

Pressures you sexually, demands sexual activities you are not comfortable with.

Abuses drugs or alcohol.

Claims you are responsible for his or her emotional state. (This is a core diagnostic criteria for Codependency.)

Blames you when he or she mistreats you.

Has a history of bad relationships.

Your family and friends have warned you about the person or told you that they are concerned for your safety or emotional well being.

You frequently worry about how he or she will react to things you say or do.

Makes “jokes” that shame, humiliate, demean or embarrass you, weather privately or around family and friends.

Your partner grew up witnessing an abusive parental relationship, and/or was abused as a child.

Your partner “rages” when they feel hurt, shame, fear or loss of control.

	Both parties in abusive relationships may develop or progress in drug or alcohol dependence in a (dysfunctional) attempt to cope with the pain.
	You leave and then return to your partner repeatedly, against the advice of your friends, family and loved ones.
	You have trouble ending the relationship, even though you know inside it’s the right thing to do.

Does the person you love…

• constantly keep track of your time? 

• act jealous and possessive? 

• accuse you of being unfaithful or flirting? 

• discourage your relationships with friends and family? 

• prevent or discourage you from working, interacting with friends or attending school? 

• constantly criticize or belittle you? 

• control all finances and force you to account for what you spend? (Reasonable cooperative budgeting excepted.) 

• humiliate you in front of others? (Including “jokes” at your expense.) 

• destroy or take your personal property or sentimental items? 

• have affairs? 

• threaten to hurt you, your children or pets? Threaten to use a weapon? 

• push, hit, slap, punch, kick, or bite you or your children? 

• force you to have sex against your will, or demand sexual acts you are uncomfortable with? 

There are many ways to get help, you are not alone..